Don't Go Stirrin' Up a Hornet's Nest

A familiar Southern warning becomes a funny, sharp meditation on venting, discretion, and knowing when to keep the peace. For anyone who has ever had to decide whether life is testing them or just giving them material.

Certain phrases don’t just stick with you; they move in, unpack, and bring the accent with them. I’ve heard “Don’t go stirrin’ up a hornet’s nest” so many times growing up, that I can still hear it in the individual voices of my family members.

In my mind, it is advice doled out alongside vegetables while pots are stirred and a wooden spoon waits in hand. The physical waves of steam merge with figurative visions of venting. One phrase to end a conversation so dinner can be served.

For those of you unfamiliar with the euphemism, the phrase essentially is a note of caution to not say or do something that will create additional drama or cause a scene. To be fair, the phrase does not carry judgment. Truth be told, generally when this is said, it is in complete agreement with the ridiculousness of the situation at hand but is given as a gentle reminder that you don’t need a blowtorch when a match would do.

In other words, there are better ways to deal with a hornet’s nest of a situation than rooting around in there with a stick. Don’t risk collateral damage. Be more thoughtful. Use discretion.

I speak from the perspective of a woman because, well, I am one. As many women will agree, life presents circumstances that rile you up. And when those conditions rise to the surface, women will lean on their circle of support to vent. Before you can even think clearly about how to respond, the steam must be released…and in a less than genteel way. The choice of words used by women in a full-on venting session has at times left me struggling to contain my laughter. When the veneer of cultured poise and grace comes off, and the unfiltered stream of consciousness bursts forth, it is more often than not filled with a truth so potent—and delivered with such effortless eloquence—that poet laureates would be left in envy.

The vent period is not the time for advice. The time for advice arrives once it is abundantly clear that the formal vent session has come to a conclusion. Then, and only then, should participants transition to the advice portion of the ceremony.

Getting the frustration out of our system is the first step in dealing with any situation. Later, we can fix our face, choose the appropriate course of action, and get on with our lives. On to the next.

Discretion matters and should not be minimized. Consider your options, imagine where each one is likely to lead, and make an educated decision. Decisions should never be made while the flame of frustration rises ever higher. But at the same time, we should not always take the safe route, the one society dictates, or the one expected of us.

As for stirring up a hornet’s nest …well, sometimes that’s not the wisest course of action. But in others? Sometimes you just need to grab the biggest stick you can find, wind up like you’re at bat with all bases loaded in a tied game at the bottom of the ninth—and swing for the stars with all you’ve got.

Hornets be damned.