In a Word: Overwhelming

Feeling overwhelmed? You are not alone. Recent conversations reveal so many of us are struggling with serious stressors. How can we shift perspective and show up for others?

You are not alone. We, collectively, are not alone. Leading up to the holiday season, so many of my conversations with friends, family, and colleagues have somehow centered around being overwhelmed. Cancer treatments, concerning medical diagnoses, worry for loved ones, work stress, economic pressures, and fear for what tomorrow may bring are just skimming the surface. The typical holiday stressors didn’t come up in a single one of these conversations.

We are all dealing with so much…the weight of it all can be crushing and honestly, all-consuming. So much is going on that trying to focus and handle the day-to-day may be a task in and of itself.

The inclination to put on a brave face and pretend everything is alright can be tempting. Being vulnerable is intimidating, uncomfortable, and brings up emotions we like to keep hidden away. And yet two things can be true at once: being vulnerable is hard and the path to healing begins with opening up, not closing off.

Here are some things I have learned about perspective and how to show up for others.

Life is not a competition. Many years ago, a wise friend and former coworker told me that when I was in tears at work. I had gone through describing the specific issue and followed that up with “But I know other people have it so much worse than I do.” (How many of us have uttered that specific phrase?) That friend and coworker looked at me straight in the eye and said “Life is not a competition.” It is not a competition over who has it worse at any given time. If life is hard right now, it is okay to not be okay. Do not feel guilty because others are dealing with different issues. The time for gratitude is not when your world is crumbling. Understanding and support carry us through the dark so we are able to embrace gratitude when we return to the light.

The timing is never ideal. No one places an appointment on their calendar for “break down in tears” or “reveal my inner struggles” or “talk about why everything is going wrong.” It bubbles up to the surface, often at the most inconvenient time. If you are struggling, be open to being vulnerable. Speak to someone; getting it out releases the pressure that has built up and is now pouring out in every direction. You may just find that the one with the listening ear can help you find your way.

Laughter is the best medicine. This is for those who are the aforementioned ‘listening ear.’ When health conditions deteriorate or new diagnoses rear their head—yes, we must discuss tough topics. Do not let those fact-based, draining yet necessary matters become the prima donna of the entire conversation and all the successive follow-up discussions. That funny text strand, the totally goofy thing you did, the latest bingeworthy show—those other aspects of life that flit into and out of our daily existence, bring back the sparkle in the eyes of those who are going through so much. The cast-iron anvil representative of all things health related is counterbalanced. Most people have the best intentions, but if every communication solely deals with walking through updates, outcomes, and treatments—that’s not a particularly uplifting interaction to look forward to. Be the person whose voice and words provide a respite, not a reminder.

Overwhelming comes for everyone; it is not a matter of if but when. You are not alone when the anxiety arrives, or when sleeplessness sneaks in, or when the worry metastasizes, or when stress runneth over, or when fear threatens your very existence.  

Be the hand that holds, the ear that listens, the eyes that see, and the spirit who feels.

Humanity and empathy, above all else, will save us all.